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Literature Text
Where you see our world's collide
Where fear and strife override
Self control and cast aside
All the freedom until it was dried
Where you can't breath and you can't hide
Where you can't take a single stride
Without fear of being pried
Away from all, from where you died
Where love and peace don't reside
Where hope and joy are thrown aside
Forever stuck on this ride
With no one else by your side
Where things went wrong and people lied
Where you felt trapped and heavily tied
From all the pain and grief that reside
In your heart screaming with pride
Where no one knows how to abide
By the laws without a guide
This is where all love died
This is where the Angels cried
Where fear and strife override
Self control and cast aside
All the freedom until it was dried
Where you can't breath and you can't hide
Where you can't take a single stride
Without fear of being pried
Away from all, from where you died
Where love and peace don't reside
Where hope and joy are thrown aside
Forever stuck on this ride
With no one else by your side
Where things went wrong and people lied
Where you felt trapped and heavily tied
From all the pain and grief that reside
In your heart screaming with pride
Where no one knows how to abide
By the laws without a guide
This is where all love died
This is where the Angels cried
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Hey I can upload again!! Yays~! Anyways...
This is a poem I wrote a few months ago and posted on my other account (The one for this kind of stuff). I don't know why I wrote it past the fact that this kind of poetry I'd fun to write for me. And I'm gonna request a critique because I want to know what I did/didn't do well on and how I can improve for next time.
© 2014 - 2024 CrimsonShea
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Originality Technique ImpactConsider this less of a critique but more of a collaboration.
When I read it the first time I wanted to make sure I could respond properly I was so inspired.
Where you see our worlds collide
Where fear and strife will override
Self controlled yet cast aside
All was freedom until it dried
Where you can't breath and you cannot hide
Where you can't even take a single stride
Without the fear of being pried
Away from all, Away you hide
Away from where the place you died
Where love and peace won't reside
Where hope and joy are thrown aside
Forever stuck on this hellish ride
With no one else by your side
Where things went wrong and people lied
Where you felt trapped and dead inside
From grief and pain you feel heavily tied
Inside your heart you scream with pride
Where no one knows how to abide
By the laws man without a guide
From the laws of love they always hide
This is where the Angels cried